Aaagh. GRKLEJKSEKL. D':
I've been feeling pretty okay lately, really good, actually. And why does life decide to crash on me now? Not everything's crashing, exactly. Just all that I love.
Grace feels like starting fresh, moving to a new school. Mideya might permanently move to Florida. Elizabeth wants to move cuz she can't handle everything in this school. I bet Melissa might move too. And they know I can't be alone, I can't! Apparently they don't understand. I thought Elizabeth did but...
No. I'm just being selfish again. For my own selfish needs, yes. I need them, need them all. Or else...I don't know. I don't want to know. If they leave me all alone again, I just know I'll trip over my own two feet, without them there to catch me. I'll just tumbled, tumbled, fall deeper into the darker parts of myself. And life will be all dull, black-and-white like it used to be. I don't want that to happen! I don't want to have to wear long-sleeved shirts everyday, in the SUMMER. I don't want to be depressed again!
Sabrina...:P
She's so...It's like...Wow. x]
I just wouldn't of expected to fall for her the way I did. And it's so weird how I feel around her, like it's not happening, like it's a dream. Like I'm watching myself go through all the motions, not feeling myself do it. I'm not sure if I like it. I wish I could slap myself to wake me up. But then I'm afraid that reality would hurt me. I feel numb...sometimes numb is better.
The thing is, with Sabrina, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of rejection, because I know it's not a possibility. We practically share a mind, and I mean this literally. We have the same thoughts, seriously! Same facial expressions. Same odd noises. Same hair, same eye-sight (sorta), same music taste...And so when I do something, like I did today for example intertwining my leg through her's under the table, leaning into her, teasing her on purpose. I don't think about rejection at all. It feels nice. And she doesn't either, apparently. She does what she wants. She bit me today. :3
And she came up behind me while I was sharpening my pencil and placed her arms on either side of me, leaning into me. It feels so nice to know I'm loved like that. To love and be loved in return. It's unlike any other feeling, NOTHING can compare.
Thinking about Sabrina made me feel better. Baha. x]
Okay...I have to fold my clothes now [-.-'] so...bai.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
My Heart Is A Chew Toy
Owww. My heart. Gah, I forgot to post the day that she asked me out. It was...amazing. Like, it was right before school, and I was just checking my MySpace real quick, and I saw her name in my inbox and I was like, "Heee." And then I read her mail and I was like, "HEEEEEE!!!!!" I couldn't even breathe or think or anything! I just knew that she wanted me all of a sudden. And so of course I said yes.
But then...but then...:'(
It's too tragic to even mention. D':
For some reason, I don't know which, she said she thought it wasn't going to work out. She likes being single. I was like, ":O. Okay..."
Honestly, who likes being single? Not meeee. Not Sabrina. I don't think anyone does, except her. If she doesn't want to go out with me, why couldn't she just say it? Because she's afraid of hurting me? I have been hurt waaaay worse, so don't you worry.
The most I did was cry. After she left. If she saw me cry she'd probably die. She looked really hurt from just telling me. I cried when Vivi asked what was wrong. She asked what was wrong and I moaned and covered my face with my arm. She hugged me and rubbed my back 'n stuff, comforting me. But she couldn't mend my heart. Iknowitsoundsemoshaddap.
And then Kelly came by asking what was wrong, and I told her and then I just started to cry. Not sobbing, bawling crying. Just, tears started to slip from my eyes, and I started laughing. I laugh when I don't know what else to do. When she first told me, I refused to believe her, and instead of reacting I just sorta laughed.
Eh, I guess I'm over it now. We can still be friends and all. She was really nice to me this morning, like, "Hiiiii!" in the sweetest voice I've ever heard her speak in. I'm still in love with her, yes. But I can get over the fact she doesn't want me. I can. I shall. I...>.<
Plus, Sabrina...Yeah, I sorta...like her? Again? Dx
I kindasorta asked her out, but not exactly. I just said, "So, ur single, and im single..." And she wrote, "IDK."
But she said she'd kiss me?
At art time?
But guess WHAT? We had this stupid buttface subsititute whom I wanted to smash her fugly face through a window, and she only allowed one at a time to the bathroom. GRRRAH.
Is it wrong when you JUST broke up with your girlfriend to go to someone else right after? It makes me feel like such an ass, but...I mean, Sabrina said she still liked me. And I sorta still like her. And she's there for me and stuff and...
Plus, I really need to teach her how to kiss. xD
But then...but then...:'(
It's too tragic to even mention. D':
For some reason, I don't know which, she said she thought it wasn't going to work out. She likes being single. I was like, ":O. Okay..."
Honestly, who likes being single? Not meeee. Not Sabrina. I don't think anyone does, except her. If she doesn't want to go out with me, why couldn't she just say it? Because she's afraid of hurting me? I have been hurt waaaay worse, so don't you worry.
The most I did was cry. After she left. If she saw me cry she'd probably die. She looked really hurt from just telling me. I cried when Vivi asked what was wrong. She asked what was wrong and I moaned and covered my face with my arm. She hugged me and rubbed my back 'n stuff, comforting me. But she couldn't mend my heart. Iknowitsoundsemoshaddap.
And then Kelly came by asking what was wrong, and I told her and then I just started to cry. Not sobbing, bawling crying. Just, tears started to slip from my eyes, and I started laughing. I laugh when I don't know what else to do. When she first told me, I refused to believe her, and instead of reacting I just sorta laughed.
Eh, I guess I'm over it now. We can still be friends and all. She was really nice to me this morning, like, "Hiiiii!" in the sweetest voice I've ever heard her speak in. I'm still in love with her, yes. But I can get over the fact she doesn't want me. I can. I shall. I...>.<
Plus, Sabrina...Yeah, I sorta...like her? Again? Dx
I kindasorta asked her out, but not exactly. I just said, "So, ur single, and im single..." And she wrote, "IDK."
But she said she'd kiss me?
At art time?
But guess WHAT? We had this stupid buttface subsititute whom I wanted to smash her fugly face through a window, and she only allowed one at a time to the bathroom. GRRRAH.
Is it wrong when you JUST broke up with your girlfriend to go to someone else right after? It makes me feel like such an ass, but...I mean, Sabrina said she still liked me. And I sorta still like her. And she's there for me and stuff and...
Plus, I really need to teach her how to kiss. xD
Saturday, May 2, 2009
You Can't Freaking Fight Desire!
Oh...my...God. Everything is just...wow. And...whoa. M and M, I can't believe that I made that happen. Of course, I didn't make them fall in love, but I made them both realize that they both felt that same.
And Mideya...OMGOMGOMGOMG. The moment I've been wishing for forever finally came true. Yes, my suspicions were correct. Mideya likes me back. And I absolutely, positively, without a doubt love her more than I've loved anyone. She's the sun that shines in my sky, the air that I breathe. She's everything I want and everything I need. I feel I could die without ever seeing her face or hearing her voice again. I love it when she touches me, no matter how brief, or when I see her face or hear her voice. She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen, not the prettiest girl on the world could possibly compare. Her eyes are so warm and beautiful, her face makes my heart stutter, everything about her makes me just...gah. It's so overwhelming and I can't even find a word for it. I just want her. Always. <3
There's the concept of breaking Sabrina's heart, and Maya said there's no fighting desire, she said that Mideya and I were meant to be, you know, soul-mates. Because it always worked out. And maybe it always will. I love her. I love Mideya. I love you.
And Mideya...OMGOMGOMGOMG. The moment I've been wishing for forever finally came true. Yes, my suspicions were correct. Mideya likes me back. And I absolutely, positively, without a doubt love her more than I've loved anyone. She's the sun that shines in my sky, the air that I breathe. She's everything I want and everything I need. I feel I could die without ever seeing her face or hearing her voice again. I love it when she touches me, no matter how brief, or when I see her face or hear her voice. She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen, not the prettiest girl on the world could possibly compare. Her eyes are so warm and beautiful, her face makes my heart stutter, everything about her makes me just...gah. It's so overwhelming and I can't even find a word for it. I just want her. Always. <3
There's the concept of breaking Sabrina's heart, and Maya said there's no fighting desire, she said that Mideya and I were meant to be, you know, soul-mates. Because it always worked out. And maybe it always will. I love her. I love Mideya. I love you.
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