I'm A Civil War

Oh blog, you are like my online diary. Plenty words I can't say nor keep in my head to be typed out onto you. And I really need that.

Okay. A lot of stuff is happening, bad, confusing stuff. All the Sabrina crap, and guess what? Yep, I think I'm falling for her. She never gave me time, hardly three days, to fall for her. And I was getting there! I was. And then there's the other girl, Blank (I don't want to use her name.) Now, I love Blank. I'm in love with her. Almost always have been, since I knew her. Well, note the almost. But now, what if I fall for Sabrina? And what if Blank decides she loves me back? Would I rush off to Blank right away and leave Sabrina broken and hurting? Allow me to answer that...yes, I would. Because I'm terrible. I'm a horrible, disgusting person and yes I would actually break Sabrina that way. But what if it's okay? Because she said to me that she cared, and she'd let me go. But now I think she hates me, well...not hate, but, not like me. Because I make her life so fucking confusing. It's all my fault. My fault she's hurting, she's confused...me me me.

Oh, somebody shoot me. No wait, don't. If I die, I'll never see my friends again. Goddamn it, what the hell is our point in life? What were we made to do? Why roam this stupid Earth anyways? We're all monsters, all of us. We destroy, pollute, dirty. We only hurt and get hurt. Deal pain and receive it. And that's why some people kill themselves.

Some kids kill themselves because they're pathetic fags. But some kids have real reasons. Like...hm, maybe they have wicked back, let's say, depression? Like, extremely bad. That would be a real reason to kill yourself. I'm not saying killing yourself is the answer if you have depression. It's just a better reason than, "My boyfriend broke up with me wah-wah *gunshot*." Noooo. I wouldn't even do that. That's...terrible.

I don't know what to say anymore. There are so many words (mostly swears xD) that I could say that I can't. I don't even know what I'm feeling. Happy? Sad? What the fuck?

I'm just like a civil war, fighting amongst myself. All of my people, battling themselves, killing each-other. And soon, once everyone's dead...then what?