Why?

I don't get it sometimes.
Love, I mean.
It hurts, so much, it hurts.
And for what?
This. This...heart-break. Pining after them, getting them, then losing them. Then you break to pieces inside. Yep, it's all inside. You could lose 20 pounds, gain 20 pounds, rip all your hair out, cut your wrists...that's physical crap, but love and the pain that follows is all in your mind. So how can we prevent it?

...

We can't, can we? We have no control over our own minds? Our brains our inside ourselves, us, they're ours. So why can't we be in control of them?

I love you. I love you I love you I love you. And I probably will love you until, well, I stop loving you. And they all said, they always say and probably always will until I'm 18, that I'm too young to be in love. Um, excuse me? Like I said above, isn't it my heart, myself? My feelings, mine, mine. Not yours. So how do you know?

Oh, how badly I want her. I can fool myself all day long, dream of it, pretend like a kindergartner playing house, and know it'll never happen. I know this, so at least I still have my reality in check, too. What I'm afraid of is that that'll slip away into some oblivion, and I'll never see reality, never know if she does want me or if I'm really just pretending again. Is it all a dream? Maybe she never moved back at all. Maybe she's still in Florida, with a boyfriend and friends and she's happy and she's forgotten all about me.

And here I am, stuck, wondering about all this.

Why does my brain have to race ahead of everyone else's? Why can't I just be a stupid 6th grader, with a small mind that no one expects greatness from?

Why?