I'm Crowded, but Lonely

If that makes sense. It makes sense to me...Okay, 2+2= ♣ would make sense to me, but, come on. I mean...well, I mean I'm crowded because I have a lot of friends, all these funny, wonderful buddies, but I'm lonely because it feels like all these funny, wonderful buddies hold no love for me.

Love is what keeps us alive here, haven't you noticed? She's what keeps me going all the days. If I die, I can only think about how I would be leaving her, forever until she dies too. And who knows, maybe when she dies too, nothing will happen. We'll be apart forever. Or...whatever happens when we die. Which brings me to:

What happens when we die? I wish, oh God do I wish, that we could answer this question. I believe in reincarnation, I believe in ghosts, angels...supernatural stuff. Yes, call me crazy but...Whatever. And I want to know that, if I was to kill myself, say, tomorrow? Would I have to wait the whole forever until my friends die that I could see them again? Would they be old and wrinkly, or just like I remembered them? Would I be old and wrinkly? Or would I not see them at all? What happens? What happens? TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME. D:

Sometimes I amaze myself. I'm not saying this vainly, I'm saying it like, sometimes my mind works like that of a scientist, or an adult. Sometimes it's easy to forget I'm only 12. For other people too. On gSm, people always talk to me, then later I tell them my age and they go, "WHAT REALLY HUH I THOUGHT YOU WERE LIKE 15!" I love it, honestly, I do. But sometimes it can be a pain. Like, sometimes I think way ahead of my age, and when I feel like telling people how I feel, no one understands. No one ever understands. Because I'm...too...old. I feel like an adult stuck in the body of a 6th grader. How do I get out?

Vent, vent, vent. I love venting my feelings, I just love it. No matter how whiny it makes me sound. I love how it lifts weight off my shoulders, all of that. But my mind, my venting, only gets me thinking about all of this crap some more. I just don't...ugh.

My mind. I wish someone could tell me what's wrong with it.

We have that kind of technology, don't we? I know we do. So why can't I get access to it?

I'm (in)capable to everything. What do I do?